sassy
beautiful
creative
kind
energetic
brilliant
perfect
My dream come true.....
Well, the majority of my blog entries were written before Audreys birth. I fell as if I need to catch up on my Audrey posts :) She is quite a special young lady and I dont even think that there is enough blogging time in this world to properly explain every last detail of her awesomeness! So I will do so with few words and lots of pictures.
sassy
beautiful
creative
kind
energetic
brilliant
perfect
sassy
beautiful
creative
kind
energetic
brilliant
perfect
....our story almost took a wrong turn....
I am sure you are more than familiar with the part of a movie when it all of a sudden it becomes clear to you, that there might not be a happy ending. Just one of those moments in life where you know that this is the starting point of a long up hill struggle.
Well Friday, our story started to take that turn. I found a lump on our daughters neck near her lymph nodes. I instantly grabbed her and hugged her as tight as I could. Now lets take a moment to pause here. There is a possibility that someone reading this is thinking, "oh man, shes one of those paranoid moms". Well I am not. Anyone with a child of their own can understand the fear I felt at that moment. Moving on....
Oh that moment was heartbreaking for me. I looked at her and knew, there is no way I could live on this planet without her. I cried and I cried. It is amazing how deeply I believe that losing her could change my metabolic structure.
The nightmares began that night. horrible scenarios of her health and safety being compromised at the hands of a stranger. I believe that the strangers in my dreams represented cancer. I even had a dream of losing my husband. I never have dreams like this. I would wake up crying so hard I could hardly breathe. My pillow and hair wet from tears.
The soonest appointment we could get was for Tuesday. As soon as my eyes opened Tuesday morning my heart started beating out of my chest. I didn't look at her in the same way as I normally do. It was as if she was already a ghost. I was so terrified. I didn't share any of this with my husband because I know he was suffering from his own anxieties. I didnt want to be responsible for adding any burden to his own "process".
It was definitely one of those moments in life where the absence of my mom was felt very deeply. Alone in a cold dark place...Which was my own mind..lol. after my mom passed I became more aware of mortality. Death is more real to me than each breath I take. Its more real than the days I am blessed to wake up for. Yes, I know, therapy. I should attend some sessions. LOL
Well, back to Tuesday. Her appointment started off with Audrey realizing where she actually was. Not a happy camper. She cried and screamed, "Bye Bye, I leave, I leave", over and over again. Then her doctor walked in and the volume increased. lol. The exam was quick and the news was super sweet!
Nothing to be worried about. Her lymph node was swollen due to teething, which is common. The only reason why we could see it, is because of her petite neck. OH THANK GOD!!! The doctor did applaud our quick action. Timing is of the essence with cancer. She completely understood our concern. Breathe deep! Wow, what a horrifying 4 days.
This experience left me feeling an overwhelming amount of respect and love for all of the parents around the world worrying for their sick children. The Parents whose stories have taken that wrong turn. Being a parent is more than just a responsibility, its a chemical and physical connection. You feel what your child feels. You know that you would give them any part of yourself, including your last breath, to insure their well being.
These deep and immense feelings of love and protection are a heavy weight to carry through life, but when you look into their precious eyes, the weight feels perfect upon your back. The weight of it all "completes" you. It strengthens you. You are your child's teacher, their voice, their protector and you are their warrior. In return, they are our purpose and our heart.
Well Friday, our story started to take that turn. I found a lump on our daughters neck near her lymph nodes. I instantly grabbed her and hugged her as tight as I could. Now lets take a moment to pause here. There is a possibility that someone reading this is thinking, "oh man, shes one of those paranoid moms". Well I am not. Anyone with a child of their own can understand the fear I felt at that moment. Moving on....
Oh that moment was heartbreaking for me. I looked at her and knew, there is no way I could live on this planet without her. I cried and I cried. It is amazing how deeply I believe that losing her could change my metabolic structure.
The nightmares began that night. horrible scenarios of her health and safety being compromised at the hands of a stranger. I believe that the strangers in my dreams represented cancer. I even had a dream of losing my husband. I never have dreams like this. I would wake up crying so hard I could hardly breathe. My pillow and hair wet from tears.
The soonest appointment we could get was for Tuesday. As soon as my eyes opened Tuesday morning my heart started beating out of my chest. I didn't look at her in the same way as I normally do. It was as if she was already a ghost. I was so terrified. I didn't share any of this with my husband because I know he was suffering from his own anxieties. I didnt want to be responsible for adding any burden to his own "process".
It was definitely one of those moments in life where the absence of my mom was felt very deeply. Alone in a cold dark place...Which was my own mind..lol. after my mom passed I became more aware of mortality. Death is more real to me than each breath I take. Its more real than the days I am blessed to wake up for. Yes, I know, therapy. I should attend some sessions. LOL
Well, back to Tuesday. Her appointment started off with Audrey realizing where she actually was. Not a happy camper. She cried and screamed, "Bye Bye, I leave, I leave", over and over again. Then her doctor walked in and the volume increased. lol. The exam was quick and the news was super sweet!
Nothing to be worried about. Her lymph node was swollen due to teething, which is common. The only reason why we could see it, is because of her petite neck. OH THANK GOD!!! The doctor did applaud our quick action. Timing is of the essence with cancer. She completely understood our concern. Breathe deep! Wow, what a horrifying 4 days.
This experience left me feeling an overwhelming amount of respect and love for all of the parents around the world worrying for their sick children. The Parents whose stories have taken that wrong turn. Being a parent is more than just a responsibility, its a chemical and physical connection. You feel what your child feels. You know that you would give them any part of yourself, including your last breath, to insure their well being.
These deep and immense feelings of love and protection are a heavy weight to carry through life, but when you look into their precious eyes, the weight feels perfect upon your back. The weight of it all "completes" you. It strengthens you. You are your child's teacher, their voice, their protector and you are their warrior. In return, they are our purpose and our heart.
Princesses are sooo lame! Real little girls are sooo much better ;)
Raising a daughter in this day and age isn't easy. When I was a young girl I loved Holly Hobbie and Rainbow Bright. I really wasn't a fan of barbie. Maybe I wasn't a big fan of hers because she didn't look like me.
As I got older I looked towards my mom as a role model. As far as celebrities went, I loved Brett Butler and Rosanne Barr. I loved sarcasm and woman with balls! Women who worked hard for their families!
Todays roll models for girls are nothing short of a train wreck. Look at Brittany Spears, Christina Agulara, and god forbid you kids likes Lindsay Lohan. I dont remember there being so many "young" starlets when I was a kid. I remember heart throbs ;)
Now lets fast forward to 2011. I go to Toys r Us and see that Strawberry shortcake now looks like strawberry tart and Disney Princesses are on EVERYTHING. Everything from chairs, tables, cups, balls, mirrors and bags. Really people? Princesses?
Is our society trying to make a generation of Kardashian sisters? Good for nothing, famous for nothing and entitled to believe they re everything! Please noooo! I love Disney movies. The movies are all locked into a mysterious "vault", so my daughter doesnt know (and a majority of girls) dont even know who these princesses are. Kinda silly, considering the fact that the morals of these stories are all locked away. Only the pretty princess images are here for little girls to see.
The "girls" isles in toys stores are also littered with plastic hooker stilettos, fake make up, tiara's, pom poms and kitchens! Is this 1950? where's the reality in all of this? Where are the toys that teach the lesson a girl that she can be whatever she wants to be....besides a pretty pretty princess??? Oh, wait, that's right, veterinarian Barbie...yeah great! Thats awesome, but where is President Barbie, front line Marine Corp Barbie, paid more than a man executive Barbie??? Oh wait...that's right...society hasn't created those yet.
I have been working hard to remove some of these influences from Audrey as much as I can now, before it starts to effect her way of thinking. Almost all the hand me downs we get, are re donated if they have the word "princess" or "Diva" on them. I just dont like the message. Divas are brats and so are people with a "princess complex".
She listens to real women sing real music ( IE Stevie Nicks, Heart and Janis)...no pop yet. Most pop music isnt appropriate for her to listen to. Especially now that she repeats everything she hears.
I let her play with trucks, cars and airplanes. Because she can be a firefighter, fighter pilot or an automotive engineer if she wants to be. But she is not a princess. She is better than a princess, because she can be many different things.
She is going to have to work hard in this life. She has to depend on herself...not anyone else. She will be taught that she has value and worth...along with everyone else in this world. She is not a princess....she is Audrey Jeane from the Eichler/ Lacefield/ Hesselgessler/ Clark Clan...she is not royalty, but she is powerful and can change the world. She is better than a princess.
Don't get me wrong, I let her watch Tangled and other princess/Disney flicks. If she chooses to play dress up and be a fairy princess, I dont mind at all. I just chose not to shove the concept that she is a princess or a diva down her throat. I want her to be more well rounded than just a princess.
I want her to use her imagination. I dont want society to imply who she should be. Its our Job as parents to teach our children what their potential and self worth is. Lets not rely on the plastic crap in the toy stores, mainstream media and pop culture to do that for us.
The last thing I want to do is raise a whiny entitled self described princess or diva. So my dear miss Audrey, if you ever come up to me and tell me that you want to be "Belle" for Halloween, you're in for a rude awakening ................................
As I got older I looked towards my mom as a role model. As far as celebrities went, I loved Brett Butler and Rosanne Barr. I loved sarcasm and woman with balls! Women who worked hard for their families!
Todays roll models for girls are nothing short of a train wreck. Look at Brittany Spears, Christina Agulara, and god forbid you kids likes Lindsay Lohan. I dont remember there being so many "young" starlets when I was a kid. I remember heart throbs ;)
Now lets fast forward to 2011. I go to Toys r Us and see that Strawberry shortcake now looks like strawberry tart and Disney Princesses are on EVERYTHING. Everything from chairs, tables, cups, balls, mirrors and bags. Really people? Princesses?
Is our society trying to make a generation of Kardashian sisters? Good for nothing, famous for nothing and entitled to believe they re everything! Please noooo! I love Disney movies. The movies are all locked into a mysterious "vault", so my daughter doesnt know (and a majority of girls) dont even know who these princesses are. Kinda silly, considering the fact that the morals of these stories are all locked away. Only the pretty princess images are here for little girls to see.
The "girls" isles in toys stores are also littered with plastic hooker stilettos, fake make up, tiara's, pom poms and kitchens! Is this 1950? where's the reality in all of this? Where are the toys that teach the lesson a girl that she can be whatever she wants to be....besides a pretty pretty princess??? Oh, wait, that's right, veterinarian Barbie...yeah great! Thats awesome, but where is President Barbie, front line Marine Corp Barbie, paid more than a man executive Barbie??? Oh wait...that's right...society hasn't created those yet.
I have been working hard to remove some of these influences from Audrey as much as I can now, before it starts to effect her way of thinking. Almost all the hand me downs we get, are re donated if they have the word "princess" or "Diva" on them. I just dont like the message. Divas are brats and so are people with a "princess complex".
She listens to real women sing real music ( IE Stevie Nicks, Heart and Janis)...no pop yet. Most pop music isnt appropriate for her to listen to. Especially now that she repeats everything she hears.
I let her play with trucks, cars and airplanes. Because she can be a firefighter, fighter pilot or an automotive engineer if she wants to be. But she is not a princess. She is better than a princess, because she can be many different things.
She is going to have to work hard in this life. She has to depend on herself...not anyone else. She will be taught that she has value and worth...along with everyone else in this world. She is not a princess....she is Audrey Jeane from the Eichler/ Lacefield/ Hesselgessler/ Clark Clan...she is not royalty, but she is powerful and can change the world. She is better than a princess.
Don't get me wrong, I let her watch Tangled and other princess/Disney flicks. If she chooses to play dress up and be a fairy princess, I dont mind at all. I just chose not to shove the concept that she is a princess or a diva down her throat. I want her to be more well rounded than just a princess.
I want her to use her imagination. I dont want society to imply who she should be. Its our Job as parents to teach our children what their potential and self worth is. Lets not rely on the plastic crap in the toy stores, mainstream media and pop culture to do that for us.
The last thing I want to do is raise a whiny entitled self described princess or diva. So my dear miss Audrey, if you ever come up to me and tell me that you want to be "Belle" for Halloween, you're in for a rude awakening ................................
LMAO!Just Kidding ( to all of you that cant see sarcasm in plain text ;). She can be anything she wants to be for Halloween just as long as it doesn't include fish nets and a micro mini ;)
Well Well Well....
Its been a while since I "blogged". I was pregnant with beautiful Audrey Jeane. Man what an amazing gift this little one is.
As adult, we tend to take for granted just how big and amazing this world is. You want to see this world as being big and wondrous, than have a baby. Relearn how to be fascinated by observing them grow and explore. You tend to get callous and jaded the older you get...you forget to get excited about flowers, rain and birds flying by. Through my daughters eyes I am feeling young and curious again.
Well, if seeing this world through one set of eyes wasn't enough, we decided to double the wonderment. We are expecting our second child on March 9th 2012.
The crazy thing is, the due date is Audrey's birthday. I am still adjusting to the thought of losing all of my one on one time with Audrey. Being a stay at home mom has been the greatest gift that my husband and I could give Audrey. After 2 years of all of that wonderful mommy-Audrey time, its going to be hard to give up. But this little bean is worth the adjustment.
Its going to be an amazing ride.
Well, if seeing this world through one set of eyes wasn't enough, we decided to double the wonderment. We are expecting our second child on March 9th 2012.
The crazy thing is, the due date is Audrey's birthday. I am still adjusting to the thought of losing all of my one on one time with Audrey. Being a stay at home mom has been the greatest gift that my husband and I could give Audrey. After 2 years of all of that wonderful mommy-Audrey time, its going to be hard to give up. But this little bean is worth the adjustment.
Its going to be an amazing ride.
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